I can tuck mytits in my pants
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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