it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
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