Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
