I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I look better un-naked...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
it's great music for shaving your balls
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
