shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
