if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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