I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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