Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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