i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
