I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
