Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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