I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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