I am midnight drunk by noon
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Randomize
