Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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