I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
