I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
