I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
