If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
