I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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