I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
