Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
