You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize