if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
