well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
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