I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
