Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
either way he was missing a nipple.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
