I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
