Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize