No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
