I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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