No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
