Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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