I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
