I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
