Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
