rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
