Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
