Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
