It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
