i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize