Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
