Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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