I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
my sisters under your porch take her home
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
