im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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