Old men and throwing up are my life now.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
