but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
