i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
