so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
