dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
