Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
