So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
