I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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