ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
