Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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