Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
