it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
