what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize