I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Randomize
