remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
