I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
