The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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