I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize