my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
