I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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