Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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