I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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