remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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