Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
