genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
