FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
