my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
