My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
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