Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
