Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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