I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
