i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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