Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
