Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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