i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
