mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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