He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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