i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
