how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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