Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
