We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
