burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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