Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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