i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Randomize
