You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize