So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
