I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
they need to just BURY HIM!
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize