You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
