dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
