I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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