She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
