I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
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